School is out

For what seems like the 10th time this month, the local kids have school off for a minor holiday or religious festival. It feels like the kids here are never in school. I asked a coworker about this curious trend and got a bit more than I was expecting.

In short, the kids get a hell of a lot of time off – much of it for seemingly ridiculous reasons. There is no better example of this than the month kids got off from school in 2000 due to the kidnapping of the state’s most beloved film star, Rajkumar. Yes, you read correctly. I didn’t believe it either but the facts don’t lie.

I’m going to grossly oversimplify this story but in 2000 a gang leader, named Veerappan, kidnapped the 71 year old Rajkumar and held him in captivity for 108 days while demanding the release of several gang members. Rajkumar was freed but events surrounding the kidnapping remain murky.

What is not up for discussion is that business in Bangalore came to a near standstill during the saga. The kidnapping was a political and social crisis and a month of closed schools should tell you all you need to know. To read more about this kind of bizarre moment in history read here.

But anyway, this story left me thinking. What would have to happen in the U.S. to cause schools to close for a month? After 9/11 we had maybe a day or two off. Barring some kind of natural disaster, I just can’t imagine schools being closed for that long. In fact, is there any pop culture figure whose death could trigger even one day off?

Chuck Norris or Rajinikanth

There are few Americans unaware of the cult of Chuck Norris. I’m sure you have heard or read the jokes. For example, Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer, too bad he’s never cried. Or, there is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Classic stuff, but what you probably aren’t aware of is that India has its very own Chuck Norris – the Tamil film star Rajinikanth.

He's India’s highest paid actor and has a cult-like following here unlike anything I have ever seen before. He also has his own set of Chuck Norris-esque jokes and I’m bombarded with them on a daily basis. A few examples:

Rajinikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajinikanth.

Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Yeah, it’s pretty much the same stuff but for more read here.

Anyway, not everyone here is sold on Rajinikanth’s talents. I give you my coworker Anand -- great interview buddy.

Tuesday Afternoon

It’s Tuesday afternoon at the office and I’m quietly writing web content. Suddenly, what sounds like the Alabama A&M marching band comes rumbling down the street. Fifteen drummers lay down a beat in front of an idol from a local temple. As you can imagine, work comes to an abrupt halt. I would love to tell you it was some kind of special festival or holiday but it’s just India.

Luckily, I had my video camera with me. Enjoy.

Coworker Deepak: Well, they are taking this god on procession. They take around the neighborhood, dip it in water. This one they won’t dip in water. They will put it back in the temple.

Me: Which god is this?

Deepak: (pause) I have no idea.

Me: Well, it’s an important one.

"Whites on Brown Fields"

At least once a day I do something that an Indian bystander or friend finds to be absolutely puzzling. I often get laughs and a chorus of shaking heads for the things I take pictures of, the places I choose to eat or, quite frequently, for walking when I’m offered a ride.

My friends wouldn’t be caught dead eating from some of the street vendors I frequent. When I explain that I go to the street corner kabob guy partly for the experience, I’m usually met with uncontrollable laughter.

I’m constantly amused with Indian habits but wow do people here love laughing at me. Frankly, they love laughing at the “stupid” things white foreigners do. So in that vein, I noticed an article in today’s Times of India. I give you, “Whites on brown fields,” a slightly mocking look at the new trend in bohemian vacation – volunteering to work on organic Indian farms.

The title of the piece is pure gold but the reaction I got from a few Indians about the substance of the article is even better. I will paraphrase for them. “What idiots, who spends their vacation plowing fields?”

Choice quotes from the piece include:

“Foreigners are all over Indian fields, turning the landscape a lighter shade of brown, and deepening into a darker tint of pink themselves.”

OR

“Consider it a free vacation if you count replenishing the soil, sowing, ploughing, threshing, composting, thatching, milking and so on as holiday sport.”

Now, I don’t want to misrepresent the piece. The majority of it is about the rewards foreigners are getting from the experience but you can’t help but think most Indians see this trend as bit of a novelty. I’m not going to disagree with them, but I do understand the appeal of the farm.

Now, anyone who has spent five minutes with me knows I’m about the polar opposite of the bohemian/hippie type but I think there is a certain romance about a simpler life in the fields. I don’t know if I could spend a year there, or if I could handle tevas and female armpit hair, but the sun on my face, calluses on my hands and a good book instead of the TV doesn’t sound so bad.

Anyway, for more on white people doing stupid things in Indian fields, read here.

Kenny Jones

Bangalore has one English language radio station and one fantastic American DJ.

Kenny Jones and Radio Indigo are keeping me sane. When India’s eccentricities and messiness sometimes loose their charm I have my rides to work with Kenny to cleanse the pallet.(Photo from the Hindu)

Most days, I ride into work with a friend, Krithika, and we spend much of those rides laughing at Kenny, or at the absurdity that is Bangalore during rush hour.

Kenny Jones is a former PE teacher from Orlando turned Indian DJ and he has revolutionized Bangalore radio. With his sidekick, Sriram, Kenny has given Bangalore a level of interaction on the airwaves Americans apparently take for granted.

Hearing local folks call in and interact with Kenny is priceless. Most callers are generally pretty awkward on-air and fall over their words when given the opportunity to speak with him. The calls are gold. His signature line, “love, ya,” is apparently a crowd pleaser but I could hug the guy for simply being American and giving me a taste of home.

For a little more on Kenny, American’s unofficial ambassador to Bangalore, check out a great profile on him in the Hindu.

And finally, I owe Krithika a big thank you. She has gotten way more America than she bargained for when she agreed to carpool with me. She is a trooper and done her best not to completely tune me out when I go on about the Redskins, missing Jessie or craving a juicy burger. So, thanks, you certainly earned it.

Rickshaws and Rainstorms

The lightest drizzle can turn Bangalore’s streets into streams. A hard rain puts half the city underwater.

I woke up this morning to the drumming of a downpour on corrugated tin. With a groan, I began imagining -- with well-deserved dread -- the commute to work. Not only would Bangalore’s incredibly poor drainage system turn many intersections into small ponds but the rain would provide my nemesis, the rickshaw drivers, with a horrendous leg up in my morning negotiations for a decent fare.

With my computer wrapped in a plastic bag and tucked inside my backpack, I ventured out into the deluge. A wet three blocks later, I arrived at my go-to rickshaw stand. Of course, along the walk, I had tried waving down 10 autos, but they were all taken. The prospects for getting ripped off were looking pretty good.

The rickshaw stand which usually hosts a dozen or so lazy drivers, was abandoned except for one beat up, muddy auto. The driver looked up at me over his newspaper and gave the customary head shake which says, “Where do you want to go?”

A metered fare to work typically costs about 150 rupees or a little more than three dollars. That’s expensive for India but my office is 45 minutes and 15 kilometers away. Navigating India’s Byzantine bus system simply isn’t in the cards, so I opt for the autos when I can’t get a ride.

Sticking my head into the rickshaw I delivered my destination, “Jakkur village, new airport road.” I waited with baited breath for the response. I’m typically quoted fares for the trip that are 4 or 5 times what they should be. Considering the rain, demand for autos and the distance, I was expecting a response of 400 rupees. If I was lucky, I might be able to talk him down to 200.

The neatly choreographed negotiations never materialized. I’m not sure if the driver felt bad for me or if he is just one hell of an honest guy, but he nodded, switched on the meter and waived me inside.

Past wild dogs and through streams we pushed forward – the underpowered rickshaw struggling in the rain, Gunga Din and I moaning with every pothole.

The Not News

There is nothing new about this critique. In fact, it’s worn out, but wow, the news is just terrible these days. And, as bad as the news is, the audience is worse.

I suppose this is a bit of a chicken and egg dilemma but someone is driving the quality of content into the ground. Furthermore, the news items that don’t matter, that frankly shouldn’t be news items, are being given incredible prominence.

It’s possible news organizations and rags started this trend, but unfortunately, I think audiences are driving content these days. Online tracking of most viewed articles is surely a great tool to increase revenue but it’s just killing the quality of news sources. Newspapers are giving the people what they want and what they want is crap. There really is no debate; the decline into global idiocracy is well underway.

Case and point, my CNN news feed on my igoogle page and The Times of India’s list of most popular stories.

This morning CNN’s top stories were: “Blackout brings Giants-Cowboys game to brief halt,” “Iran developing long-range radar, upgraded missile defense,” and “Haiti cholera death toll passes 900.”


Holy smokes, a brief blackout during a football game makes the top three list, much less beats out the staggering news of a cholera epidemic in Haiti! Infuriating. Absolutely infuriating.

Now, the top stories from The Times of India. I’m not even going to bother typing the titles out. I’m too busy knocking over chairs and shaking my head. Just look for yourself.

Chris Cooley in Bangalore?

Half dead from an over zealous workout, I walked towards the water fountain and found myself staring at a very familiar face. Coming full sprint right at me was Chris Cooley, in poster form, curly hair and all.

I spun around to share my joy at having a Washington Redskin “in the gym” and quickly realized there wasn’t another soul around who would have any idea who he is. That realization led directly to some obvious questions.

1. How does a poster of Chris Cooley in a Reebok football shirt end up in a gym in Bangalore India?
2. And, if people have no idea who he is, who exactly do they think is in the giant poster?

On a side note, and much to my chagrin, no one in India knows the first thing about American football. It’s been such a desert of football talk for me that one evening I ran into a Nigerian guy wearing a Roy Williams Cowboys jersey (31 – the former safety) and I gave him a hug. Appalling, I know.

But back to the questions. My gym, Fitness First, is a British-based outfit that apparently has some kind of partnership with British-based Reebok. My guess is that a Fitness First marketing exec saw the poster of Cooley, thought he was in fact a burley soccer player wearing a European football shirt, and figured he might as well become a wall decoration in India.

Perhaps of more interest is who exactly Indians think is in the poster. I asked my trainer, Vivin, if he had any idea and with a shrug, gave me an earnest, “no.” He thought it was just some fitness model.

Now, Chris Cooley is without a doubt one of my favorite athletes, but I think even he would laugh a little bit at being called a model. Just look at the poster. In classic Cooley form, he looks half asleep and a little goofy. But the bottom line is this, Chris Cooley can add Indian fitness model to his impressive list of accomplishments – probably right behind pro bowl tight end. (Below, Vivin and Captain Chaos)

India and Electricity

For the past two weeks, my office has lost power for at least an hour or two almost everyday. As I have been informed, this is common and I better get used to it. While corporations have their own back up units and batteries, my NGO does not. When the power goes, so does productivity, a problem the Indian government is working furiously to fix.

These brownouts piqued my curiosity and I started to wonder exactly how large a challenge India is facing to meet growing energy demand and how exactly the country plans on meeting it.

The numbers, I discovered, are stunning. Today, India has about 165,000 MW of installed generating capacity, of which, more than half comes from coal-fired units. India plans to increase that capacity to 200,000 MW by 2012, a target the government is sure to miss.

Unfortunately, India’s demand for power is projected to reach 400,000 MW by 2020. If there is an acute power shortage now, I’m having a very hard time believing the situation can be remedied in the next 10 years.

While the government has laid out ambitious plans to meet growing demand with a diverse portfolio of energy sources, including massive investments in renewables, nuclear energy and natural gas, India’s carbon emissions will undoubtedly grow – most likely at a stunning rate. To be sure, king coal, and the cheap electricity it provides, isn't going anywhere. (Below, Indian coal miners)


The bleak reality is that India doesn’t have much of a choice. Carbon emissions simply have to be a secondary consideration as the country looks to provide the fuel it needs to maintain 8% GDP growth and bring tens of millions of rural Indians out of crushing poverty.

Consider this, according to India’s 2001 census, roughly 72% of the population lives in rural villages. Only 80% of those villages are connected to the grid and only 52.5% of rural households have access to electricity.

If India’s energy challenges are at all representative of those faced across the developing world, the global effort to tackle climate change and reduce greenhouse-gas emissions will likely be far more difficult than any of us would like to admit – especially those on the left.

The Obamas in India

The President’s visit to India has received an unbelievable amount of media attention here. The Indian press is treating the President’s visit sort of like how CNN and Fox cover animals in distress.

Not surprisingly, the President and First Lady have charmed the nation but the one issue that is understandably a sticking point for many Indians is our support of the Pakistani government.

After three wars and countless border disputes, most Indians cannot imagine Pakistan as anything but their enemy. The terrorist attack in Mumbai two years ago is still a fresh wound for many Indians that generates the same kind of emotions Americans feel when they speak of 9/11.

The President is trying to walk a very fine line as he explains America’s stance towards Pakistan. When asked directly by an Indian college student why he hasn’t condemned Pakistan as a terrorist state, his answer was thoughtful and, in my opinion, on mark.

His point was this. One has to look at Pakistan with nuance. While there is extremism in the country which is festering like a cancer, the Pakistani government has awakened to that danger and is taking steps to address it. We can’t ignore the fact that no country has suffered as much from terrorist attacks as Pakistan. Furthermore, he acknowledged that progress has not been as quick as one might hope, but cooperation with the Pakistani government is in both the U.S. and India’s best interest.

That is a tough pill to swallow for many Indians who firmly believe the Pakistani government supports and sponsors terrorist elements. Of course, history would suggest their assertion carries merit, but a strong Pakistani government that can, and is willing to, weed out extremism is integral to peace in the region.

Indians have been vocal in their response to the President’s remarks on terrorism and Pakistan and I thought it might be interesting for Americans to see some of the letters that have run in The Hindu, one of India’s leading papers.

From The Hindu:

Mr. Obama seems more interested in creating jobs for his countrymen. Time and again, he has avoided calling Pakistan a terrorist country, a fact which is known to the whole world. It is time India stopped looking at the U.S. for support in resolving the Kashmir issue.

M.C. Vijai Shanker,
Chennai

Some sections of the media have rushed to judge Mr. Obama's speech on his arrival on the basis of what he left unsaid. That he visited the Taj Mahal Hotel — a target of the terror attack on 26/11 — is a profound statement on the U.S.' stand on terrorism. We need to be patient and more charitable in our judgment.

Jacob George,
Changanacherry

President Obama's remark that Mumbai is a symbol of the incredible energy and optimism that defines India is indeed a great tribute to the people of the city. Mr. Obama's diplomacy, of not naming Pakistan (itself a victim of many terror strikes), for the 26/11 attack in his address at the Taj Mahal hotel is commendable. India certainly doesn't want any third party to interfere in its affairs with Pakistan or any other nation.

S. Ramakrishnasayee,
Ranipet

Mr. Obama need not condemn Pakistan directly for its involvement in the 26/11 attack. It is for us to bring pressure on the U.S. to stop Pakistan from using its funds to encourage cross-border terror. The lip sympathy extended by Mr. Obama to India on terrorism will remain a mere formality if we fail to get an assurance from him that Pakistan will be reined in.

V.S. Ganeshan,
Bangalore

The World's Most Expensive Home

India is a country of contrasts. After my first trip to Bangalore I tried my best to paint a picture of 21st century India by describing the ride into the heart of the city from the brand new international airport.

I would talk about the shiny new terminals, marble floors, wonderful new highway but also about passing bullock carts and cows in the middle of the road and seeing entire families of five on top of one motorbike. I would try and describe the physical transformation of the city as well. You might pass a two hundred year old bazaar or temple but then turn a corner to see a brand new 40 story apartment building with a helicopter landing pad on top.

Well, India's evolution is continuing and as the economy liberalizes and grows the gap between the haves and have-nots is becoming painfully obvious. There is no better example of this than the construction of the world's most expensive home in Mumbai.

The home is a 27 story building that casts a looming shadow over some of India's poorest neighborhoods. The one billion dollar edifice can actually be seen from Dharavi, Mumbai's infamous slum containing well over a million people.

A feature on the building in the Times of India does a wonderful job of capturing the grandeur and controversy surrounding the project. A short excerpt from the piece:

"The newest and most exclusive residential tower for this city's superrich is a cantilevered sheath of steel and glass soaring 27 floors into the sky. The parking garage fills six levels. Three helipads are on the roof. There are terraces upon terraces, airborne swimming pools and hanging gardens in a Blade Runner-meets-Babylon edifice overlooking India's most dynamic city.

There are nine elevators, a spa, a 50-seat theater and a grand ballroom. Hundreds of servants and staff are expected to work inside. And now, finally, after several years of planning and construction, the residents are about to move in...All five of them."

Yeah, the feature is worth a read. Enjoy.

Archie and Elephants

When I was younger my parents took me out west several times to Colorado and Wyoming. On those trips we did some pretty touristy stuff -- such as whitewater rafting and horseback riding -- but those experiences have easily become some of my fondest memories.

On one riding adventure my Mom got stuck with an impossibly stubborn horse named Archie. He grazed when he wanted, fell out of line when he wanted and took off at a gallop when he wanted. At one point he jetted off through a group of low-lying pine branches with my Mom hanging on for dear life screaming bloody murder. She escaped his joyride unscathed but she did lose an earring in the process. Only my Mom would wear earrings to go horseback riding, but that's neither here nor there. For a good ten minutes I watched our grizzled cowboy guide fumble around in the mud in his cowboy hat and black poncho looking for the earring. It's was the kind of absurd scenario you can never forget.

But what I'm getting at is this, or what I learned from those experiences is, don't be afraid to do the touristy stuff. With that lesson in mind I decided that I had to ride an elephant while I was in Thailand.


After a few days in Chiang Mai, Thailand, Jessie and I hopped in a van with two other Americans and headed into a seemingly untouched valley to spend a day with elephants. Everything about the experience was spectacular.

The power, strength, size and gentleness of these creatures was astonishing. If you ever get the chance to ride them, don't bat an eyelash. A short video from our day (turn the volume up):

An Indian Wedding

For all of the fathers out there that complain about the cost of their daughter’s weddings just count your blessings you don’t live in India.

Indian weddings are spectacular. No expense is spared, and it’s common for many families to take out loans to host proper celebrations. A typical wedding seems to be something out of a novel or fairytale – they stretch over several days and will include hundreds of people that travel from all over the country or world for the celebration.

In July of 2011 two of my friends are getting married in Bangalore. He is French and she is the eldest daughter of a very prominent local family. By all indications their wedding is going to be the super bowl of ceremonies.

This past weekend I accompanied them to see the site her father has chosen for the event. Let me begin by saying I had read about the place in guidebooks.

The wedding is taking place at the Bangalore Palace – a replica of England’s Windsor Castle built over several decades in the late 1800s upon 454 acres of manicured grounds.


We arrived in the early evening and the castle was lit up like it was the backdrop of a climatic scene in a Hollywood love story. It’s a moving place and will surely make for an incredible setting for the wedding. It’s also worth mentioning there probably wasn’t another site in the city large enough – they are expecting at least 2,000 people.

Frankly, I can’t wait. This should be the event of the year and there are rumors that the bride and groom will be arriving on elephants. I have got my fingers crossed.